When the dealio was struck with a little print house slash publisher in Sydney, and this book thing of mine looked like it was about to become real - I thought I should write an "About the Author" to be included in the back of the thing.
Seemed like the thing to do. Many real books have that. So I gave it a crack.
It was to be a positive piece. About how releasing this book isn't my latest attempt to chase the dream of a profession based on my creative whatnots - it is just something that I had inside that I wanted to get out. It was a creative endeavour that didn't rely on anything or anyone bar myself. It was a challenge... but most of all it was just for fun.
But I wanted to earn that positivity by giving a little back story... I began with the line - "I struggle a little. No
more than most I am sure. But I struggle with the idea of talent and
how it translates into the real world."
Of course the use of the word "talent" grossed me out so what followed was several pages of disclaimers in a story about my numerous failures - and my inability to make peace with the fact that I'll never be many of the things I had hoped I'd be - a father, musician, etc.
The "About the Author" thingy remains unfinished and was not added to the book. In a mere 612 words I had managed to drive myself down into a funk that I would not recover from for days. It had me rethinking putting the book out at all. I began to question my motives. Am I still chasing these creative whatnots? 20 years after my first band Oviparous formed... When does one realise their lot?
Dwelling did me no favours.
Fortunately thanks to modern medicine the darkness subsides these days. If I can pull myself from the dwell I can remember why I wrote the book in the first place - for fun. And how fun would it be to have a copy on my shelf and a copy in the hands of Gav, Dougie, Bricko, BJ et al?!
My book came out. Nervously I inspected the cover. It had printed up ok. I flicked through it - it looked like a book. I was chuffed to see it. It looked like the real deal. There was a feeling of accomplishment I guess - but otherwise life remained as usual.
That is - until I posted a photo of the book to social media.
Now for the "earnt positive" and reason for this post.
I was blown away by the out pouring of love, likes and congratulations from friends and loved ones. Some of the most cherished people in my life reminded me why I value them so highly. Phone calls, texts, DMs, tweets, emails, photos and handshakes... I can almost well up just typing this. I was/am truly blessed to have such a strong support base.
For fear of missing someone I will refrain from naming individuals but let it be known - any form of communication from each and every one of you who reached out contributed to one of the most truly unique experiences I've ever had. Before any of you had even read a sentence I had declared the book a success... not because of what it is... but because of what it did. Because of what YOU did. For me.